Choosing One’s Values

I wrote an answer to the question “Why are you not active on social media?” here.

But this post is beyond just social media. It’s about what one values in general.

Value

When I say “value”, I don’t mean moral values alone.

Anything you consider “valuable” or important is a value. Hobbies, professions, people, relationships, technology – pretty much anything.

I never used to be crazy about music or movies like most of the people I knew when I was smaller.

It’s not hard to imagine how other school-kids would react if you didn’t share their common interests.

The only way to “fit in” or be popular is to pretend you’re just the same.

And for a long time, I realize I did do stuff just to fit in better, though even then I couldn’t bring myself to do more than the bare minimum.

Revealing Your Values

I finally thought about how crazy it was that I was doing stuff that bored me just so that other people – many of whom I probably would never see again after a brief crossing of paths – thought highly of me.

And the truth was they wouldn’t care at all. I wasn’t so important in their eyes that they’d keep thinking about me the whole day.

On the contrary, if I simply stopped pretending to be someone else, I’d actually be better off.

When you meet someone different, you’re much more likely to remember them – they’re not just another brick in the wall. When I hear of someone considered “strange” by others – such as a person who loves mathematics with a passion or someone who wakes up hours before everyone else to devote time to their hobby or someone who squeezes time out for a dream like writing a grand novel – I go out of my way to talk to them, because I know they’re almost definitely going to be interesting to talk to.

In his book, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World, Harry Browne points out another benefit. If you stop pretending to like stuff you don’t, and drop off your mask and show your genuine nature, you’ll attract others like you, who’ll see you for what you are. Whereas, if you go around hiding your real inclinations, they’ll never know the real you.

I’ve no idea whether the majority of people around me all happen to genuinely love concerts and travelling and eating out and uploading pics on social media , or whether some of them do it because others do that.

But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make an iota of difference and shouldn’t have any bearing on whether I enjoy any of those things. I might or I might not – the answer won’t lie in what others do.

And there’s a funny thing about awkwardness. A lot of times, it’s in our head. If you tell yourself a situation is awkward, it will be. If you carry on normally, it doesn’t have to be.

So I don’t mind telling people when they ask that I don’t watch TV shows or listen to music. If anything, it makes for more interesting conversation.

Let live – No Impositions

I’ve seen a lot of friends who claim they don’t like drinking or smoking or whatever but just do it because others do that.

I’ve never understood that.

But more than that, I’ve never understood the urge so many people have to impose their values on others.

If a person chooses to drink (without harming anyone else), that’s their choice. But why so many relentlessly urge others to drink with them is something I find unfathomable. I don’t think I’ve urged anyone to stop drinking because I don’t drink, but I can’t even count how many times others have urged (almost pleading) me to drink. Perhaps it’s just social niceties, but I find it strange nevertheless.

Re-evaluation of Values

I don’t find much value in social media, hence use it very sparingly. I used to be much more active because others were active, until I realized it had little value for me. Perhaps they found value in it; I didn’t, and that’s what mattered to me.

So the only thing I’d advise, if I had to give any advice, is to look at your values carefully.

When I say look at your values, I mean look at where your life is going. And when I say look where your life is going, I mean look where your time is going.

Whatever you devote your time to is whatever you value, even if you think you don’t like it.

So it’s worth asking – is that something you value, or is it something that has no value for you, but only for others?